Tuesday, 16 November 2010

twilight rant

i have decided to write about some thing that has annoyed me for a long time and that is the twilight franchise. Now i have several reasons for disliking twilight, not least because Stephanie Meyer has single handed raped the world of literature as we know it, i shall however do my best to keep the list to 30 reasons. So without further ado here it is.
30. Despite her obvious efforts, Valley author Stephanie Meyer is simply an awful writer. I feel horrible saying it, but at this point it has been made clear to the entire world. Sadly, I think her overly simple and cliche writing is what makes the book so appealing. Cracking open a thesaurus doesn't make you a novelist.
29. I want to hit Bella. Not only does the character lack any sort of emotional depth, she allows herself to fall into the arms of an effing vampire. Any sane person would be weary of the situation. Not only that, but she proceeds to continue a bizarre codependent relationship with him. This "I love you … but stay away from me … but come here anyway," BS that Edward pulls is just unhealthy.
28. the books aren't well written, just because every other word is a fancy adjective doesn't make it a good piece of literature, hell i know 5 year old who could probably write better than her
27. S Meyer breaks all the rules for vampires set by more esteemed authors, somewhere out there Bram stoker is turning in his grave.
26. if Bella is so plain why do so many guys fall for her within the first couple of chapters? last time i checked if you were plain and had to move schools and countries it took months to fit in properly, Bella seems to be all popular pretty much as soon as she steps through the doors of forks high school.
25. Bella teaches women to let the man handle everything, which pretty much is a huge step backward for women everywhere, who have fought for equality 
24. Edward is extremely possessive, borderline abusive - he mentally abuses Bella which IMO is worse than physical abuse as there is no way to prove it, a point in case is when he removes the engine from her car and refuse to let her see one of her best friends. he's also boring as hell. 
23. read Anne Rice - those are vampires not the girly men that Meyer has created. 
22. Stephen king himself has said that Stephanie Meyer cant write worth a damn.
21 VAMPIRES DO NOT EFFING SPARKLE, they die a horrible and painful death when they go out in the sun. 
20. and on that note who the hell has heard of a vegetarian vampire before this, just because they drink animal blood instead of human blood doesn't make them vegetarian FYI its still blood it shouldn't make a difference as to whether its human or not. 
19. Edward and Bella are not in love they are in lust there is a rather significant difference between the two of them look it up. 
18. Edward is a 107 year old virgin who enjoys watching a 16 year old girl sleep at night because that's not wrong at all
17. the books promote the culture of rape, abuse, pedophilia, suicide and the idea that its perfectly okay to get pregnant and drop out of college. 
15. the twilight saga has single handed set feminism back a 100 years, insulted literature and turned 14year old fan girls bat shit insane all in one nice little package.
14. Bella is the biggest set back to female self esteem since we were all expected to do all the housework. 
13. Bella swan means beautiful swan someone please shoot Stephanie Meyer. 
12. the plot contains nothing original and is overused. 
11. glittery vampire = FAIL  
10. how to make your ex get over you, give him your new born child. 
9. twilight teaches teens that boyfriends who stalk you and stop you from seeing your friends are the good kind of boyfriend (they're not) #
8. the entire series is poorly written and researched 
7. how can a vampire someone who is already dead have a child with someone even if the other person is living? 
6 twilight implies that its rather touching when your boyfriend says he cant live without you and will kill himself because you don't love. no just no 
5 the books wouldn't be half as time wasting if Meyer would just shut up about Edward's eyes, they're amber we get it. 
4. the books are completely sexist 
3. Meyer constantly contradicts her own plot. 
2. there's a fine line between fantasy and illogical crap and Meyer has found it. 
1. how can the Cullen's (especially jasper who has a problem with self control) attend high school every girl there must have started their period by then, how can they stand the blood. 
and there you have my 30 reasons as to why i dislike twilight 

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